What’s in a Journey?

WHAT’S IN A JOURNEY?

By Valerie McIntyre

Staying the course can either sound noble or a bore. Most of us daydream about a thrilling life, be careful what you wish for – I’ve signed up for an exciting life and that can also mean exhausting J But most of us agree that getting where you want to go takes time, perseverance and determination. This year I had the privilege of meeting Jenny Gilpin. She and her husband Dave have an incredible church, Hope City Church, based in Sheffield in the UK. I do not use the word ‘incredible’ lightly. What they have done in over 20 years, pretty much on their own, is world-class heroic. And the proof is in the people. Their leaders and pastors are some of the best people I have met on my own journey in this new world. Upbeat, servant-hearted, funny (Beth Blois could do stand-up if she wanted to) and LOYAL, Hope City Church is a model of how great church is built and lived out.

 

Jenny, one of my new friends in the UK (lucky me) is a woman on a mission. Besides doing church she started a non-profit organization to rehabilitate women (especially from trafficking) called City Hearts. They have been transforming lives since they launched. Recently, they expanded into Ghana with a powerful vision to actually stop the problem before it starts. Ambitious? Yes! Necessary? Yes! Jenny is a brave woman. She is beautiful, fun to be around, all girl and yet quietly strong. There isn’t anything strident about this feminine creature, but she still gets the job done. Recently, she was at a photo shoot at the football grounds where Sheffield Wednesday FC plays (the team is going to market water to benefit City Hearts.) What some people may not know is that Dave and Jenny came to the UK from Australia over 20 years ago because of the Hillsborough football disaster. In a terrible accident 96 fans were crushed to death in the stadium. Dave and Jenny saw this tragedy on television in Australia and had a vision to start a church in the UK (Dave was born in England). Jenny told me the other day that as she stood on the pitch at the football grounds for a publicity photo she had the feeling that she had come full circle. ‘This’ is where it had all started. She was standing, in a way, on sacred ground. Time, perseverance, determination.

 

It’s a journey. But if any of us really want to get where we want to go we need something more than these 3 words. God. We need our God, because the end of a journey means absolutely nothing without Him. He’s the best traveling partner around. He’s the best end goal you will ever have. He makes everything worth it. Everything. That’s why I love and trust my new friend Jen. She puts God first, and it shows. Here’s to you lady!

 

Too Many Words!

Proverbs 11:9-13.  Words.

Words cut.  ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.’  Solomon never penned these words, aside from them being untrue.  Words matter.  Words have weight, words have matter.  “The power of life and death is in the tongue.”  Proverbs 18:21.  NLT – “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.”  This verse, and the thoughts implicit in these verses (9-13), speaks of too much talk as being a problem.  Eventually, too many words will lead in the wrong direction.  We always end up saying things we may not have originally intended. 

Words spoken ill advisedly, intentionally or otherwise, have the habit of destroying friendships.  If you talk too much, even about your friends, you will say things about them that separate you, as we all have a desire to make others less and ourselves more.  It is simply better to say nothing than belittle others with your words.  The temptation to say is large – it is wise to resist it.  An attitude always grows when too many words about others are aired. 

What is true on a personal level translates seamlessly and obviously to a national level.  Undisciplined talk of your friends or neighbors will be undisciplined talk of your city, its governing authorities etc.   And this kind of talk is never helpful, edifying and intent on building something up.  On the contrary.  Everyone has an opinion and everyone else has to hear it. 

People who talk too much eventually get labeled as ‘gossips’ and that isn’t an appellation you want.  Gossips are nosey people, conveying ‘weighted’ information that is no business of theirs or others in such a manner as to cause suspicion and distrust in relations (if the gossip is about mutual connections/friendships).  But it is a popular pass time and has a certain sense of the ‘delicious’ inherent.  But it never does any good, and people who are exercised by it are seldom much better.  Proverbs 18:8, “Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.”  And are therefore difficult to dislodge.

PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS 

 

Nope. This is not a message on giving. It’s a turn of phrase that I use when I know I need to take my own advice… I recently spoke at the unflappable, always beautiful Jenny Gilpin’s conference in the UK. I was asked to speak on a subject that I have some experience in – being single. Married at 47, no sense that it would ever happen, yes, I can speak to this phenomenon with passion. My main message: live the life you want to have NOW. Don’t wait for your significant other because you already have a number one man. He’s right there, ladies. And he loves you. But this blog entry isn’t about living a great single life, either. It’s about the concept that there is always great opposition before a breakthrough. I used this phrase in my talk to the incredible ladies at the conference, and I meant it. Interestingly, I too am sitting on the other side of breakthrough for something in my life, and I too need this message. So here’s what I’m telling myself today:

 

• When you feel disappointed or let down, no matter what, hope is always standing right beside you. Trouble is, you can’t see it, but hope is there. Remember: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
• When Daniel prayed the angel Michael took some time getting to him – not because he wasn’t coming, he responded immediately to Daniel’s prayer. But even angels meet opposition. He did make it through though, just in time!
• Don’t be religious about it, but probably best to keep negativity out of your mouth. Find a scripture that really speaks to you and meditate on it. Let it take the place of your words of disappointment, despair, anger or fear. And if you do slip into negative talk, don’t give yourself a hard time, just speak hope and keep on moving.
• Keep God BIG, where he belongs. We all need a big God. We need to know in our heart that we are connected, committed and confirmed to spend eternity with the One who created all things. When you’re in trouble lift your eyes up from your fear, like David, and look to the mountain – your help comes from the maker of heaven, the creator of the earth. It’s big and it’s real.

 

If you’re struggling with something and you feel like giving up, HOLD ON. Hold onto your hope. Hold onto the promises of God. Put God’s words in your mouth. Breakthrough is on the way!

Valerie McIntyre.

 

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Happiness or Joy? – I’ll take both!

 

I don’t want to be happy.  I want to be joyful.

 

Happy to be happy, but I prefer to be filled with joy.  Do I have to make a choice, and is there any difference between the two?

 

Happiness has become a goal that allows all sorts of fouls into the back of the net – no red cards, no penalties ensuing.  On the contrary.  We vigorously applaud the goal of happiness (as an aside, if you flip the ‘a’ and ‘o’ you have gaol), and we insist that it is a fundamental human right, or should be enshrined as one.

 

The difference is that happiness isn’t, nor ever should be, our goal.  Aside from being completely illusive it is an outcome, a result of, a serendipity.  And when we make goals of outcomes we have made gods of chance, and ‘gods’ always turn into demons.

 

One man who knows more about the futility of happiness being the reason for ‘being’ is Victor Frankl.  He survived the concentration camps of World War Two, that saw off almost his entire family, his wife included.  He soon discovered, if he didn’t already know it, that happiness was a commodity of great rarity in those brutal camps, and hardly something that you could hope for much less work towards.  Simple pleasures were no longer simple much less pleasurably.  Eating and drinking became purely pragmatic, hardly a daily delight.  All the things we take for granted and derive some pleasure from were taken from them, eventually life itself, for most of them.

 

He maintained that happiness is something that ‘ensues from’ circumstances, circumstances they soon were deprived of, utterly.  To search for happiness was futile but to search for meaning could lead to happiness.

 

Joy on the other hand has as little to do with circumstance as happiness is entirely dependant on it.  It was at the worst of times that Jesus started talking about joy to his disciples.  He told them he was leaving them with his joy and peace, and in the next breathe told them that as long as they lived in this world they would have tribulations.

 

The clear message, lived out by him, and those who believe in him, is that joy isn’t reliant upon external stimulation.  It is a gift of the Spirit of God and both goes with us and is a promise to us.  “Who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising its shame.”

 

It is deep in that it springs up from within but not so deep as to remain stubbornly subterranean.  It expresses itself when our circumstances are favourable and losses no zest when they aren’t.

It has sustaining power, unlike happiness, which is as fickle as an English summer.

 

Now that is what I would like.  And I’m sure you would to?  Not  the summer, the joy.  Although a summer would be nice, as well.

 

I don’t want to be happy – I want to be joyful.

 

(Don’t I want happiness?  Don’t be daft, of course I do)

Your Parents Matter

The Future is For the Young

But Should it Be?

 

My maternal grandfather died when he we was 99 years old. He died a fairly dignified death. For two days he couldn’t breath easily, so he was put on oxygen for his comfort. My aunt and uncle who were caring for him didn’t want to let him go. It’s understandable. In our family he was truly the patriarch and his passing would signal the end of an era, one that had been characterized over its many, often turbulent years, by both joy and sadness – as with any family, I imagine.

For me he was the last link to our “ancient” family story. He had grown up in New York City, visited bars I knew in the West Village, been a caddy at a famous, venerable old golf club (I took up golf late in life and he was thoroughly delighted to have another member of the family as in love with the sport as he had been), spent summer weekends on Long Island. His father was the footman in the city for a wealthy family, he had met my great-grandmother there—she was the upstairs maid. A bit like Downton Abbey, New York style. Years later, my grandfather’s parents shunned the ice of the north for the “newly happening” city in the sun, Miami Beach. In this idyllic setting they built family homes, invested in real estate (which they later sold to the pre-launched Disney World) and bought orange groves. It must have been a dream after New York, the turquoise water, palm trees, brilliant skies. And like the Pied Piper all the family followed my great-grandparents south, to start a new life, to try something fresh. That included my grandfather who came with his young family in the 1940’s. My mother grew up there and we moved back after my parents divorced (we had moved to North Carolina.) All those years my grandfather had worked at his parking concession, living simply, taking care of my grandmother (who passed away 10 years before he did) and saving his money. When he was 99 he didn’t need any assistance, he has saved and planned, he was never a burden to anyone. And then, when he couldn’t breath anymore, my brother whispered in his ear and told him it was ok to go, and he did, taking with him a lifetime worth of memories—triumphs, heartaches, good times, and disappointment.

So often we focus on the young, and we should because they are the future and that is the cycle of life. But I hope we will remember what it says in Exodus 20:12“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” You see my grandfather, until the day she died, watched over his mother, my great-grandmother. He honored his parents and God honored him. I believe honoring the elderly, watching over our parents, is a sacred trust. It must be, because it’s the only commandant that carried a direct promise. So as we head into the holiday season if you haven’t told your parents you love them lately, do. If you find that you can’t because of a past hurt, ask God to honor a love and forgiveness in your heart and believe for spiritual reconciliation. Showing kindness to those that have lived a long life has all the power to change your life. I encourage you to try it…

Hire a Person who Takes Responsibility.

Solomon advises we should never hire a ‘fool’ or a ‘bystander’ (one who avoids commitment, connection and correction).  Being sentimental in hiring or attempting to be nice to a person can back fire, and normally does.  Firing a person (language we can’t use but it amounts to the same) is much worse than not hiring them.  If a reputation precedes a person don’t try to be their saviour –  you aren’t responsible for their lack of it.

A person is responsible for their own actions and must live with implication before any change is even possible.  I fear that in robbing people of responsibility, we have robbed them of the capacity to change – by making everything but their own decisions the reason/s they are in their present predicament.  Blame is happy to be moved from one thing to another, but an adult doesn’t play that circular game.

If people are held responsible then they can change, and then we can also make merciful exceptions, but where mercy is a demanded ‘right,’ the enforced norm, real change is seldom in sight.  Some people’s circumstances are unreasonably dreadful but even then they need not remain the victim, because, and eventually, a victim will victimize.  That is what they have been ‘taught,’ even though it is doubtful they were the willing student.

See Proverbs 26:1-12.

 

Proverbs and ‘Get Rich Quick!’

Hard workers get to eat, whereas people that chase fantasies, to help them eat and live, are without sense  – as well as without food.  A fantasy is a false means to a desired end.  Our world fuels fantasies, which in turn fuels a false appreciation of how to work and live, so as to eat.

Being made a star is a fantasy that drives people to all sorts of incorrect decisions and hopes – most of them dashed.  But the same goes for gambling – a game at which an infinitesimally small number of people win at, yet they are the ones that are paraded in front of our vanities and susceptibilities so as to entice more into the fantasy.  And ‘lemming-like’ we herd, follow and plunge.  Go to Vegas.

And as for ‘Get rich quick schemes.’  They are as old as mankind because the attitude that fuels them has never changed.  ‘I want it and I want it now.’  Delayed satisfaction, which normally brings genuine satisfaction, is disdained and overridden in these schemes.  But they seldom satisfy, whereas the wealth that accumulates with time and hard work has a self-regulating ability – it is appreciated more completely because it cost a person and didn’t happen easily or swiftly.   What a person gets quickly they are more likely to squander but what takes time and effort is not so quickly parted with.

‘Get rich quick’ always minimizes or deliberately bypasses the true value and nature of work – time, energy and thrift.  It has the seeds of its own destruction it in because it fails to account for the self-regulating principles contained within the nature of work itself.  It fosters greed and normally comes at the cost of another person’s life/money etc.  So, it is also parasitic – hosting off another’s lifeblood.  This ultimately makes it unethical, or a variant on the theme.

Working, and working hard, isn’t so sexy but it pays better and more consistent dividends.